Bond Street

And it had all the ingredients of a classic Monopoly Tour visit and yet ended in beers, tears and something else that rhymes with …ears. Years perhaps? I’ll deal with the visit first and then the fallout and aftermath second. 

So, here we were, steaming down the final side of the board and reaching the final of the green squares, the slightly more expensive Bond Street. Again for those Monopoly egg-heads and trivia buffs you might know that there isn’t really a single street called “Bond Street” but the place is made up of both “New” and “Old” Bond Streets. The streets themselves join at the elbow so to speak (look at a map and you’ll see what I mean) and there’s just a narrow pathway that joins the two roads together. It was whilst checking this out on Google StreetView that I secured an element that’s been missing from a couple of recent visits, the interesting and historical feature, but more of that later.

 

Exactly what it says on the tin.

 

So we had the venue and as any regular reader of the blog will have cottoned on by now, the organising of the pubs follows pretty much straightforward from that. There was a nice line of Cask Marque accredited places leading down from Bond Street Tube Station, following New Bond Street into Old Bond Street. So it terms of pubs, there were no dramas here, just the actual date of the tour to finalise.  

Without going into too many personal details, it was this week that I had to endure the annual ritual of moving one more year nearer to death (oh how pithy that turned out to be!) so with the agreement of the lovely family, I was allowed to have the tour on my actual birthday, which whilst not the best plan for a mid-week night, with only 5 pubs planned and Aussie Pete’s dad in special attendance what could possibly go wrong.

And whilst on the subject of attendees we’ll just confirm the other folk appearing in this episode; from the office the only original office regulars were Buddy Rob and New Guy Micky although they were joined by the two most dedicated of the female office drinkers, Gemma and Nicole. Both Aussie Pete (including Aussie Dad) and Spiky Haired Ed were on holiday but had agreed to meet us in the first pub so the only new face to introduce was that of James James Morrison Morrison. James had been slightly hoodwinked into this week’s visit after promising to come on the next “local” trip (which would be Liverpool Street Station) but somehow the scheduling hadn’t quite worked out that way and he ended up a rather reluctant extra on this birthday tour. 

 

Not compulsory to "adopt the position" inside.

The first pub was Taylor Walker’s Spread Eagle (which caused some odd requests for the obligatory photo) which is on Woodstock Street, a road leading off Oxford Street. Aussie Pete and Aussie Dad were already in position but the rest of us arrived almost in tandem with Spikey Haired Ed, although the latter was already moaning that he had another engagement and would have to leave early. Anyway just in time to get the round in, in fact, which consisted of some left over “Luck of the Irish” from Stonehenge Brewery, obviously brewed for St Patrick’s Day it was another coloured green beer from this brewery and to be honest they’d do better to concentrate on brewing better tasting stuff than the gimmicky stuff. My faithful ale girls, Gemma and Nicole at least joined me in trying the stuff whist the others had to make do with other beverages, which included James James keeping to his “no beer” promise and having a JD & Coke. 

 

Rob looks admiringly at Nicole's tackling of the green beer. Gemma is googling the treatment for ketoacidosis.

The Spread Eagle is a cosy little place and once we’d terrorised the single little old lady off, we had a nice comfy corner all to ourselves. Also to the pub’s credit the Cask Marque certificate was hung on the wall directly inside the door meaning we got off to a good easy scan start. 

We didn’t linger in the pub but moved swiftly on once the green beer was drunk. The next two places were another occurrence of pubs being located directly opposite each other. Firstly there was The Duke of York at number 8 Dering Street, which was the first of the two we entered after crossing New Bond Street. Another Taylor Walker place it was a similarly cramped but cosy place with much needed spaced dominated by a wrought iron spiral staircase. The beer range was worse than the Spread Eagle though, we could have pints of the green beer again or Fuller’s London Pride. Nicole and I kept the real ale fires burning as Gemma deserted us for horrible cider and the rest were committed to standard lagers although I have to give credit to Aussie Pete and Aussie Dad who were continuing in their own round of English Bitter. 

 

Spiral Staircase in the Duke of York. To give an idea of scale, James James's forehead is 11 foot high.

The chap behind the bar didn’t have a clue about the certificate though, although his one-toothed Irish colleague who he asked, seemed to think he’d seen the certificate once before. But despite much hunting neither of them could lay their hands on it and we had to admit defeat on the scanning front. 

 

BGC, James James & Gemma outside Bonds. After my illness I am now skinnier than both of them.

As previously mentioned the next pub on the list was but a short stroll over the road, to number 11 Dering Street, a rather smart wine-bar looking place called “Bonds” which is ran by the Stonegate Company. Alas though Ed wouldn’t be joining us as he decided that it was time for him to leave after many harassing text messages calling him to his other appointment. All I’ll say is that I bet you wish you’d stayed with us know hey Ed? 

The ale selection in Bonds was rather poor (I seem to recall only Greene King IPA available) but their full beer range was much more comprehensive resulting in Meantime London IPA for most of us. James James’s no beer promise finally cracked, as he joined Buddy Rob in a bottle of bud. 

 

The Duke of York as photographed from inside Bonds

Bonds certainly wouldn’t be my first choice of pub, being a dimly lit trendy sort of place, whereas I prefer to be able to see whom I’m drinking with and prefer a more scruffy bunch of fellow drinkers (not for a minute I’m suggesting the rest of the tour is trendy by the way). But the beer was fine and they had the certificate easily available so I shouldn’t be too harsh especially as I was treated to a nasty birthday Jägermeister shot from the ladies. 

So it was three pubs down, two to go but it was here than the group split. James James was obviously easing himself slowly into tour life as he decided to leave early and the ladies joined him after agreeing that perhaps a five pub crawl wasn’t entirely appropriate on a Tuesday night. Still the tour stalwarts carried on as we travelled slightly more south down New Bond Street and cut down the alley way of Avery Row to the Iron Duke, our second pub named after Arthur Wellesley. This is a small Fuller’s pub which compared to some of their very smart and gleaming premises is a rather muted place although the pairs of leather boots adoring the walls are quite fun. I had a pint of Fuller’s classic ESB whilst Micky treated the rest of the gang to crisps. The bar staff seemed rather indifferent to their clientele though and requests for the location of the certificate drew blank looks and therefore no scan. 

Iron Duke - BGC with cast iron constitution.

The final stop was the Coach and Horses in Bruton Close but first we had to visit the historical piece of interest which I mentioned earlier. Right on the path than connects New and Old Bond Street is a statue of two elderly gentlemen on a park bench. The gentlemen in question are actually Winston Churchill and Franklin D Roosevelt and the statue is called Allies and was a gift from the Bond Street Association to celebrate 50 years of peace.

 

I bet both Winnie and Frankie and well pleased to have fought for freedom for this!

Doing our best to break the peace, we each took hilarious turns sitting with the two statesmen and probably generally took away all the dignity that the statue has. But anyway, if you’re even in this area do look out for it as it’s the sort of thing you miss completely and is well worth a photo. 

 

This apparently is the way to treat statesmen and politicians in Australia.

Slightly retracing our steps to the Coach and Horses which was our third Taylor Walker pub of the evening. This is a rather incongruous black and white half-timbered wedge shaped building stuck in the middle of an otherwise very modern looking street. Not sure whether the pub is totally authentic but we got a warm welcome from the jolly barman even though the beers on offer included the bloody green beer again! 

 

BGC and Coach and Horses - That cocked leg is catching!

There was quite a funny dynamic going on between the two main barmen; one a younger oriental type was quite offhand and dismissive of us, especially when we asked for the certificate. He pretended to know what it was and then claimed he didn’t where it was when asked for its location, but when we asked the older chap he instantly pointed to it hanging on the wall. It was no surprise then who we asked to take a photo of us all having one final sticky Jagermeister for the road. 

The rest of the gang wandered back towards Oxford Street and a famous burger place beginning with M. I on the other hand made my way back to Paddington and a famous burger place beginning with B and the last train home. 

 

Cheers BGC! We'll bring grapes and Lucozade.

And that should have been the end of the night and the tour saga but upon waking the next morning, I had an immediate appointment with the infamous big white telephone, which is unusual for me as if I have a problem with over indulgence, it’s usually an immediate process, i.e. vomming on the actual night, not the morning after. 

Putting it all down to the bad burger I made my way to work via the train toilets and then had several visits to the office loos as well. Things were showing to have gone too far when I ended up not being able to make it in time and (apologies for the rich language) spewed in a little store room which Ed likes to call his “Teddy Bear’s Lair” (honestly, this is true). 

Sent home in disgrace, the rest of the day didn’t improve matters and to cut an awfully long story of aches, pains, lots more vom, chronic dehydration and a visit from the emergency doctor short, Thursday morning saw me in The Royal Berkshire Hospital’s A&E department being treated for Diabetic Ketoacidosis by means of a million and seven different pipes being stuck into various parts of my anatomy, pumping me full of various fluids. 

Friday saw me on a general ward being entertained by my three fellow bed patients, a quite quite mad elderly man who talked constantly to himself and had to be shushed all night by the nurses. Upon being questioned by the doctor as to why he was here he said that he’d “fallen out of a plane and smacked his balls” to which the doctor declared, “you’re fine, lets get you home.” There was also a puffy faced alcoholic who’d taken some sort of tumble. He amazingly turned out to be the same age as me although even my cruellest of critics would say I looked ten years younger than him. Highlight of our interaction was watching him bring up his Friday lunch fish and chips into his lap, an event he then proceeded to tell anyone who’d ring his mobile (which was everyone, every 5 minutes). Finally there was another elderly chap who had short term memory loss, something he never seemed to forget as he told anyone who was either interested or not interested all day long. 

Ah, the NHS, got to love it haven’t you? Still, it made me forget what agony I was in and saw me home for the weekend although I’m not sure Mrs BGC has completely forgiven me for making us miss our Berlin trip which was meant to be my main birthday present. On my return to work Charlie quipped “longest hangover ever that!” all I can say in return is that it must have been the burger. 

Number of Cask Marque Pubs visited  = 180

 

Sympathy number 1? = Mrs GBC screaming that I “have to look after myself” whilst hitting me. So who exactly was in hospital? 

Sympathy number 2? = The “no vomming” sign now hanging on Teddy Bear’s Lair. Thanks guys. 

Next Stop = Liverpool Street Station

Community Chest #3

The idea for this particular trip had been floating about for some time after it had been suggested around my local CAMRA group to do a trip to London. A couple of the chaps had also been reading this blog so it seemed like too good an opportunity to miss to try to incorporate this trip into the tour.

My original thought was to visit some of the well known pubs in the West End but our branch newsletter “Ullage” editor-in-chief and all round good guy Tim Thomas had heard of a launch of Berkshire based Siren Craft Brewery beers at the Craft Beer Co in Clerkenwell, which made me focus in on this area instead for potential tour locations.

BGC finds the Craft Beer Co open

 

At first everything looked very rosy, not only were there quite a few Cask Marque accredited pubs in this area but they were very well regarded places that appear in many of the London pub guides. So quick as a flash I had a tour route planned taking in the Craft Beer Co itself and other places such as The Bleeding Heart, The Gunmakers, Jerusalem Tavern and the Ye Old Mitre. But like the best laid plan of mice of men it all went squeak when research showed that all these places were closed at the weekend!

It’s quite a well known fact that areas of “the city” are like ghost towns at the weekend and most pubs and shops don’t bother to open because of the lack of trade. But I was quite surprised to find that this practice had crept into the Clerkenwell area as well. Surely there would be enough locals on a Saturday to warrant opening?

But a closed pub is a closed pub, so I amended the route I’d planned and substituted another 4 pubs alongside the Craft Beer Co to make up the 5 for our trip. According to all the pubs’ websites, they were all definitely open, but I decided to keep the locations a secret so as to make it more of a mystery tour. The other thing I did to try to make the tour more entertaining was create an “i-Spy” type quiz, making the tourists spot various items on route. As I’d walked the route a couple of time, just to make sure we didn’t get lost, I made a note of interesting things along the route and added these to a list of other random things the boys would have to try to spot.

So there were items ranging from a “Blue Plaque” to a “Yellow Car” – from a “man being electrocuted” to “someone singing” – It’s all sounds a little pathetic when written down but it was quite amusing, honestly!

So we set off on a midday train with a couple of the chaps still feeling the effects of a heavy Friday night in Hungerford. Which gives me the opportunity to introduce today’s tourists. In addition to Tweeter Tim there was the branch treasurer Scrumpy Steve, branch secretary Mild Mike, social secretary Stout Richard and Sam Weissbier. And if you’re wondering about the names just ask the guys to show you their badges – it’s a branch joke!

Anyway the trains were running on time and before we really knew it we were alighting at Farringdon tube station and ready to being the trip. A swift turn up Greville Street saw us pass the first item on the i-Spy quiz, a Weatherspoon’s pub named after the Lollard leader, Sir John Oldcastle.

But were weren’t stopping there, and neither were we stopping at the closed Bleeding Heart Tavern and instead the walk up to the Craft Beer Co did prove that this area of London is like a ghost town at the weekends though, in fact it was more like a zombie town as we walked along the deserted litter strewn streets, causing Sam to comment that this was a like a scene from Get Carter.

Yes Steve, it's open!

 

The Craft Beer Co though was far from deserted with a healthy crowd of drinkers in place. The beer range was seriously extensive, I didn’t manage to count all the hand-pumps but there must have been between 10-15 different beers available. Four of these had beers from the Siren Brewery on and Steve, Sam and I had a half of their Under Current Pale Ale and their Sound Wave IPA – both were extremely nice and the only disappointment was that I’d failed to see another one of their beers called Liquid Mistress which has to be the best name for a beer ever!

The amazing mirror ceiling clock thing

 

We’d managed to find a table by the door which just about seated the 5 of use (Tim had swiftly left us for some “new” friends he’d found) and from there we could view the decorative qualities of the pub which included a huge Charrington’s mirror and an even bigger mirrored ceiling that might have doubled as a clock in a previous life.

Finally prizing Tim away from his new friends we moved further along the Clerkenwell Road (spotting the blue plaque commemorating Sir Hiram Maxim’s gun factory) and hit our first disappointment of the day. The Betsy Trotwood on Farringdon Lane was as dead as a dead thing. Not standing on ceremony I knew there was a Fuller’s place, The City Pride, which could stand in as an alternative but shock horror – this was closed as well!

By now the route had deviated slightly so we had to back track to what should have been the third pub, The Three Kings but by now weren’t exactly surprised to find that this was also not open.

Any (open) port in a storm - Luckily this was a superb port.

 

Thank god therefore for the Crown Tavern on Clerkenwell Close which was not only on my planned tour and not only a Cask Marque accredited pub, but was actually open! Oh for an open port in a storm. The troubled waters were soon calmed though as there was a nice selection of 6 ales in addition to a sizable bottle selection. Again Steve, Sam and I went for two different halves, which for me were half a Hoptimus Prime from Robinsons and half a Bitter Californian from the Bristol Beer Factory. Just about making ourselves heard over the cackling old crone on the next table I again apologised for the closed pubs and promised that the “final” pub of my planned 5 pubs would be open – all the time keeping my fingers crossed that it would be.

But before we left I got an easy scan of the certificate which was hanging very available by the bar whilst chatting with possibly the prettiest barmaid of the whole Monopoly Tour so far.

Looking like the world's worst boy band outside the Slaughtered Lamb - Nice cocked leg Sam.

 

A stroll along St John Street (and a bit of tattoo & grave spotting on the way) saw us at the Slaughtered Lamb on Great Sutton Street, which was thankfully open. This wasn’t a Cask Marque accredited place and although they had a few ales on tap their focus was definitely on the craft beer side of things with a whole collection of Camden Town beers, beers from Kernel and also a bottled beer menu that had us giggling at Arrogant Bastard and Slag Pilsner. I started with a pint of Camden’s Gentleman’s Wit, which was extremely enjoyable before managing to secure the final bottle of slag in the pub.

Richard shows off his tatoos

 

Talking about slags (sorry, that link was beneath even me) the pub was suddenly full of beautiful young women and suddenly every wine glass the barman had on his shelves was pushed into service. Apparently there was a PR company round the corner and I’m guessing the ladies were on a weekend training day or induction day or whatever but all of a sudden the average age in the pub had dropped by about 20 years making us feel very old and decrepit indeed.

Would you let this man edit your newsletter? Tim strikes a stylish pose with a flat white.

 

Leaving before we embarrassed ourselves that should have been it for the pubs I’d planned, but sensing that the guys could have done with a couple more we popped into the Three Compasses on the way back to Farringdon station. Not really a place of any merit but they did have the France Vs Ireland 6 Nations rugby match on even if they did serve their bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale with pint glasses.

 

Richard then took a call from his son and quickly recalling the name of the pub just outside Farringdon tube station we arranged to meet up with him in the Castle. Now I’d obviously done this place an injustice in missing it off the tour in the first place because not only was it Cask Marque accredited, meaning I got in a nice surprise scan that I wasn’t expecting but their beer range was quite healthy as well. I for some reason went for a pint of Erdinger and by this point in the proceedings I’ve no idea what the others went for.

This could be an album cover surely? Nice cocked leg (again) Sam.

 

There was just time before Jean-Christophe reclaimed his tables to present the prizes for the i-Spy quiz, which by this point also had descended into a bit of a farce. I can’t even remember who I awarded the prizes to but I’m guessing I completely got the scores completely wrong. But at least I awarded the prizes to our group and not the American girl with the big camera on the table behind.

Inside the Castle

 

The train journey back seemed to be mostly taken up with trying not to wet myself, luckily a parked train at platform 8 at Paddington came to my literal relief. The Thatcham bound personnel managed to sneak in a crafty Burger King and then topped this up with a visit to Tutti Fruitti at Reading, though I believe Steve got his can of Gin & Tonic from somewhere else.

Sam at Burger King. The weird angle is because of his cocked leg.

 

The lucky Newbury bound people managed to get a straight through train instead whereas we took the “more relaxed” route back!

The relaxed route home.

 

Number of Cask Marque Pubs visited  = 167

Lessons to be learnt = Ring the pubs beforehand. Oh, and have a coffee every now and then!

Back to the usual tour next week? = Yes please! I couldn’t do this every weekend!

Next Stop =Bond Street

P.S. So how did this qualify for Community Chest? Well with this bunch of weirdos it was more like Care in the Community but somehow I think I fitted right in.

Oxford Street

Sometimes I plan the tours for several days beforehand, sometimes I don’t.

Oxford Street was definitely in the latter category. I’ve already got an outing for the final Community Chest square planned for the weekend so it was imperative that we did get Oxford Street out of the way this week, but when I checked the map there was a cluster of 6 pubs at the Tottenham Court Road end of Oxford Street which was just far too tempting to ignore. So how to squeeze in a 6 pub crawl in the middle of the week without rending the older ones in the group (i.e. everyone but Ed) unfit for work the next day.

The answer as a particular annoying advert might say was simples. Join Aussie Pete on the halves!

But even though it was a mid-week and a last minute organised tour there was still a healthy number of attendees, including a couple of repeat offenders: Back down for another bit of London education was Munchkin Steve and also joining on a repeat appearance was Big-J. We also had the pleasure of New-Guy Micky who hadn’t been on the tour for a couple of weeks. Apart from that it was just the usual suspects of people with nothing better to do than follow me around drinking beer; Aussie Pete, Spiky-Haired Ed & Charlie.

As previously mentioned, we were going to start at the Tottenham Court Road end of Oxford Street and then work our way west by way of the pubs that lie south of Oxford Street, in and around the area of Old Compton Street. Now as any good sex-tourist knows, this area is renowned for being the centre of the Gay & Lesbian scene in London as well as having its fair share of sex clubs and bars.

Micky and Pete enjoying the lamps

 

But careful not to be deviated too soon, the tour was remaining true to its rules and at least starting on Oxford Street. Just round the corner from Tottenham Court Road was the first pub, the aptly named The Tottenham. This Nicholson’s pub is actually a bit of a gem, with lovely mirrors, lamps and ceilings, there also seemed to be what appeared to be huge tapestries decorating the walls.

The pub was also, quite surprisingly, not very full at all. Space was easily found at the bar; the only downside was that it was right next to the only mad bloke in the pub, who needed both the barman and Big-J’s help to identify his own drink and his change which was spread all over the bar. 4 halves of Andwell’s Spring Magic for Pete, Charlie, Big-J and I and 3 halves of various lagers for the others were ordered and these along with a very easy scan of the Cask Marque certificate (hanging just behind the bar) were obtain and finished in what seemed like an unseemly short amount of time.

The Crown & 2 Chairmen - Ignore the road sign - You can enter

 

Dodging across the rush hour traffic to the other side of Oxford Street, we ducked down Soho Street to Soho Square and then cut through to Dean Street, the location of the next two pubs. The first was the strangely named Crown and Two Chairman, a funny looking corner pub that been painted in a very unhealthy looking purple colour. The feeling inside was slightly reminiscence of the Crown & Sceptre from last week with a young trendy crowd where coloured hair was very much the flavour of the evening. Again space at the bar was easy to come by and 4 halves of a beer called Equinox (about which since I’ve not been able to find any more information) were ordered for the ale drinkers followed by 3 halves of Veltins pilsner for the lager imbibers. 

 

Mention here must be given to the barman who was sporting a most magnificent plaited beard and shaved and tattooed head which gave the feeling that you were being served by one of the dwarves from The Hobbit. Rather fearing that any approach for the location of the certificate might result in him reaching for his handy axe, I left this part of the evening to Aussie Pete. But alas even with Pete doing his best Gollum impression (this is a full time job by the way) the poor chap couldn't locate the thing, even after conferring with colleagues and searching everywhere from the stock room to the toilets. 

 

Stupid light - Outside the Nellie Dean

So unfortunately our good run of scanning was at an end, but it was to soon start again as we made our way back toward Oxford Street and the second pub on Dean Street, the Nellie Dean of Soho. Again another corner pub but this time painted a much more jovial and cheerful bright red. It was a cramped little place so it was rather more of a squeeze to get served but soon the halves of Betty Stoggs were flowing along with the halves of Becks. As previously alluded to, the certificate was freely available as it was framed and stood on a window ledge which meant that we could pick it up and pass it round the scanners amongst us. 

Again though there's not a lot more I can really say, the one effect that drinking halves were definitely having was the attitude towards our stays in the pub. It felt like there wasn't any point in taking off your coat before the drink was gone and it was time to move on. 

 

The Green Man - I've seen better examples.....

Mooching around the corner we cut through Fareham Street & Hollen Street and eventually found our way to the Green Man, an M&B pub located on Berwick Street. Again this pub was half empty but whereas I'd put the lack of crowds in the others down to slow midweek trade, this time I wonder if the pub was just a bit crap. Firstly when the complete ale selection is a choice between Fuller's London Pride and Greene King's IPA you really need to question the pub's attitude to variety. And the barman completely alienated me by committing that cardinal sin of serving someone else before men out of turn. Once retired with our drinks we found a spot by the wide screen TV which was on for no-one's benefit and at least took an easy scan with the certificate hung by the entrance to the bar.

It was rather a relief to be drinking just halves in this place because it allowed for a swift exit just after Charlie and I noticed two of the mealiest portions of chips being served up ever. So here’s a question for you Mr M&B – How come you’ve so obviously invested in a huge beer range for places like the Crown & Sceptre, the Crown & 2 Chairman (just down the road for goodness sake) and the other Green Man in Fitzrovia but this place is almost a beer desert? 2/10 could do better – see me! 

 

This is the Coach & Horses - Honest

Again it was a swift trip around a couple of corners into Poland Street which was where the final two pubs were located. Firstly there was the Coach and Horses, a Greene King pub certainly smarter than the Green Man, and whilst they weren't going to win any prizes for their beer range they at least had something out of the ordinary on, Greene King's new beer called Jailbird.  

The certificate was once more highly visible hanging on the wall by the bar so between handfuls of Big-J bought crisps (no Monster Munch unfortunately) the deed was once more done. 

Final stop of the evening was just over the road at the Kings Arms, a mid terrace pub with lovely leaded glass windows at the front and a huge gay pride flag waving proudly above. Now I'm not going to say anything crass about the clientele inside just suffice it to say that there was an abundance of beards and for a pub crowd that was 90% male, not a sniff of a testosterone laden threat in the air. The barman was also the friendliest of the night asking who was on the halves amongst us when I (with agreement from the others I might add) upgraded us all to pints for the final visit of the evening. It was Reverend James by the way.

 

The King's (definitely not the Queen's) Arms

There was just time for one final scan, once more the certificate being easily findable (2 chairman aside we're doing really well on the self-finding and self-scanning at the moment) before dashing off for a group McDonalds and a rather early train home. 

So we'd easily done the 6 pubs and by sticking to halves I don't think any of us were going to wake up with sore heads but I wasn't the only one to feel slightly uncomfortable drinking half pints. I don't think there's anything macho about drinking pints and I've never bought into the “X number of pints per night” measure that some blokes seem to measure their virility with, but there is a genuine case to be made for the right measure for the right beer. British bitter at the end of the day is a fairly low alcohol content drink and whilst I know the days of it being drunk to replenish and replace lost water for manual workers having just finished a shift down the mine/forge/docks/factory (choose your favourite) is also over it's still a drink you should be able to take a hearty slurp from and still feel you've got plenty more in your glass to go back to. You just don't get that with halves. 

Number of Cask Marque Pubs visited  = 165 

Half Pint? = Short Changed!

Home by ½ 9 = Just in time for Derek – Possible the best comedy in a long time.

Next Stop = Community Chest

Regent Street

Want to start this one off with another grammar clarification? Really? Not had enough of them yet? Well ok then, just for you I’ll do it, but this one is really pretty boring (the others weren’t yeah?) – OK, so today’s square was Regent Street. Not Regent’s Street, not Regents’ Street and certainly not Regents’s Street. Plain and simple, Regent Street. Which is interesting (oh, yes it bloody well is) because on the other hand, the place that this road ultimately leads to is Regent’s Park. And if you want to know which Regent it was named after, well it was George IV – and that’s the one who was Regent whilst his dad was chewing the carpets and talking to trees. A bit like they still do today.

Coming so quickly behind the legendary night that was Go toJail, I had small hope that this square would reach those sorts of heights. Also we were going out on a Thursday night which meant that all the female tourists cried off citing excuses of “school night drinking” and other pathetic reasons. In fact there were even rumours of going to the gym in preferences of going drinking with the BGC. I mean……gym? Really?

Also when I checked the Cask Marque map for Regent Street, although there are many accredited pubs along and near its length, they’d either already been covered or should be saved for other squares. In the end I was rather “forced” to focus in on the northern end of the street and stray into the area around Great Portland Street which is known as Fitzrovia.

The Maccers wasn't there in George IV's day

Mind you for every cloud there should be a silver lining and for this outing the silver linings were welcome returns to the tour of Munchkin Steve (down from the t’north and getting used to wearing shoes again) Sybil and Big-J. Aussie Pete and Spikey Haired Ed were the ever faithfuls and I’d sooner have Aussie Pete sipping halves than the no-show from Charlie, Buddy Rob & New Guy Micky – honestly gents! You might as well join the ladies in the gym!

So finally getting off much later than I wanted to – I mean, talk about chewing the carpets I think that must be something me and George theIII had in common - the tube was thankfully much quicker than Ed’s call logging, so it was just coming up to 6 o clock when we eventually reached the OldExplorer located in Castle Street, just off Regent Street.

Why does Steve look absolutely mental in every photo?

 

Now as I usually trace the route beforehand on Google Street View and I have to say that this pub doesn’t look all that nice from street level. It has all the charm of an inner city Weatherspoons, a look I can only presume the owners, Greene King aren’t looking for. But upon entering the pub I’m pleased to report that the inside is much nicer. Although it was crowded as you would expect it to be for its location and the time of the evening, the first sight that greeted us was a mini-stillage of several barrels of ale. Not being quite sure what the score with the mini-festival was, we approached the bar and I got the round of Heinekens for Sybil and Munchkin Steve (you can lead the horse to water……..) and 3 and ½ pints of Mordue’s Bunny Hop for us others – yes that’s right blog fans, Spikey Haired Ed was on the ale!

The beer came in those very nice Greene King handled mugs (last seen at the Lucas Arms during Kings Cross) but the pub committed that cardinal sin of taking them straight from the dish washer and using them without letting them cool. No point in keeping your beer at ideal temperature if you’re going to do that!

Every night should include a free T-Shirt

 

Anyway, all complaints aside we got the scan from the certificate just hung by the bar and retired to the only free space which just happened to be by the barrels. I noticed that the festival organisers, who turned out to be from the brewery itself, were running a quiz with the top notch prize of a t-shirt. Now as any reader of the blog will know, I’m always on board for a free t-shirt, so quick as a flash I’d completed my paper and was being photographed by the brewery, complete with t-shirt for their own publicity. So returning the favour the friendly chap had his photo taken for the blog. It turned out as I spoke further with the chap from the brewery, that they had a special 20% discount for CAMRA members so it might have been worth our while staying in the pub longer but alas we had work to do so once Aussie Pete had claimed his free t-shirt it was back across Regent Street and down to Great Portland Street.

The next stop was the George, another Greene King pub but this time one that does look quite attractive from the outside. It’s also one that appears in a couple of my London pub guide books for its interior and the etched mirrors and ornate back bar certainly deserves a mention. The drinks were obtained (I think Sybil and Steve switched to Becks) whilst the ale drinkers (yep even Ed as well) went with Honey Pot from Coach House Brewery. I’m always a bit suspicious of honey beers and they always seem to disappoint, tasting neither strongly enough of honey or having a hop bite to fall back on. This one though was very nice indeed having a good sharp honey smack but not too sickly sweet cloying.

The George - The inside is nicer than the very nice outside

Asking the barmaid about the certificate we were directed around the corner to where it was hanging and were delighted to see that it actually was due to expire that day, meaning we got in a scan that had we gone out on our normal Friday would have missed. I was rather slow getting to the certificate, probably still sorting out the kitty for the rest of them, but Pete later said how there were a couple of blokes stood by the certificate which he asked if they could move out the way. Asking what the certificate was all about Pete told them only to have one of the men say to his friend, “Come on, let’s find a pub that just serves lager.”

See proof this blog isn't just made up!

We moved off to find a pub that didn’t just serve lager and found the next stop, the Crown and Sceptre in Foley Street.

Now we need a quick word about the next two pubs, the Crown and Sceptre and our next planned stop, the Green Man in nearby Riding House Street, are both M&B pubs but very much with a leaning towards the craft beer scene (rather than their Brew XI scene which had coloured my midlands childhood). When I’d tweeted the plans for this week’s tour both pubs had replied to the tweet including pictures of the ales they currently had on at this time. Very impressive!

Crown and Sceptre

The other thing I’d noticed about the Crown and Sceptre was the entrance to the Victorian public toilets just outside the pub. This was easily spotted as we approached the pub, but so were the crowds of drinkers spilling outside the place. Inside it was worse, we’ve come to expect crowded pubs and even though the Crown and Sceptre is quite a big place, the hoards of people were a bit overwhelming, especially for someone like me who considers anything over a bloke with a dog as a crush. The other thing was that these weren’t just normal people, this was very much a gathering of a young and beautiful with everyone seemingly dressed in some sort of designer type cool (but the sort of artistic type cool – you know, the  ooo look at me, I’ve got a Che Guevara t-shirt on, but it’s done in Andy’s style type thing, which passed me by even when I was younger.

The part of the bar which we struggled to get to didn’t have any ale pumps near it so rather than ask the young pretty trendy barmaid what was on, I made up the order from what I could see. Sybil and Steve I put back onto Heineken, Big-J had moved onto Coke anyway so it was just 2 ½ pints of Blue Moon, which Ed has previously had on the tour but isn’t a brew I’ve tried.

Now I’m a fan of wheat beer but I’ve got to say this just didn’t float my boat. I’m also confused why it’s a slice of orange that the powers that be have decided should be plunked into this beer. If the fruit of choice was lemon or even grapefruit (actually I’m going to copywrite that thought) then you could at least understand the reasoning, in that the sharp acidity of the citrus fruit would slice through the floral nature of the wheat. But although orange is a citrus fruit it hardly a sharp one and when plunked into the beer becomes something for show rather than taste. I’d like someone to prove me wrong but you might as well put a glacé cherry on a cocktail stick in it for what it’s worth to me.

The loos are now a snack bar thingy

 

Anyway we squeezed our way past the young and trendy t-shirt wearing crowd to a place right by the gates of the Victorian loos and generally made jokes about Steve’s height (he’s got very soft curly hair…..)and had a Rolf Harris nostalgia moment. Ed looked confused and probably wished he was with the young and trendies……….

BGC really looks like he's just come out of the closet.

Before we left we remembered that the scan hadn’t been taken but I didn’t rate our chances of either finding the certificate amongst the crowd or asking someone who knew. But amazingly from our position outside the pub we spotted it, right on top of the bar. Squeezing our way back inside, past all the young, trendy and beautiful again we collared a likely looking barman and asked if we could get a scan. The chap couldn’t have been more helpful and retrieved the certificate to our scanning delight.

As I previously mentioned the sister pub to the Crown and Sceptre, the Green Man is just around the corner so it was but a short stagger to the next watering hole, which, as one might have guessed, was just as busy as the Crown and Sceptre. That said, just like the C&S the service was quick and friendly but again I found myself nowhere near the pumps. Again plumping for something a bit blindly I selected pints of Camden Town lager, thinking this would go down just as well with Steve and Sybil as it would with Ed and Pete (Big-J still coking it) – alas it didn’t. I thought it was alright, certainly more flavoursome than your standard lagers but the rest seemed to be struggling to drink it. As Steve and Sybil were ordered to come the right side of the drinking barrier outside Steve bravely mentioned to the Eastern European prison guard of a barmaid that “eeee, this Camden lager’s not very nice….” to which she curtly responded, “No, it’s nice beer!” and stomped off.

To be honest I think she had a point.

The Green Man

Amongst the round I’d also sneaked in a pint of Verdett ExtraWhite, which I shared around the group, much in the same way Ed’s penguin biscuits were also shared around, but I’ve got to say that this beer relies a little too much on it’s cool and groovy marketing than it’s taste. But hey, that’s just an opinion.

The certificate was easily findable, being pinned up on the wall although I had to hold up a candle to get enough light to scan it. It was only then that I glanced back at the bar and saw the huge list of ciders on offer and then I remember reading that the Green Man is a premier cider establishment. So we rather did it an injustice by not drinking the fruit of the apple whilst there. I’ve got both pubs marked down for revisit, one to drink cider and two, to do it on a quiet Tuesday afternoon or something – just sometime when I don’t feel like everyone is pointing to the hunch on my back and my ugly face.

So that should have been it for the evening. There was one other Cask Marque accredited pub in the area, the King’s Arms at the end of Great Titchfield Street, but again on the Google Street View tour, I’d dismissed this place as it looked very down at heel. But by now the drinking feeling was tingling so a “swift one for the road” was agreed upon and we entered the establishment, still looking rather ragged (the pub I mean, but probably we were also by this point), for a final beer.

Old fashioned till at the Kings Arms - The numbers spun round and everything! Just to the left you can see one final pack of Monster Munch.

Inside the change couldn’t have been more different from the Crown & Sceptre. Here we had glorious swirling patterned carpets, velour bar stools and book laden book shelves. This was a real old man’s pub and I loved it. The chap behind the bar was dressed for the occasion, white vest with half zipped tracksuit top, pints of Doombar (followed by pints of Purity Mad Goose) were ordered and then Big-J spotted the catch of the evening – Monster Munch! We bought up ever pack the pub had (ok, they only had 6 packs) but we bought them all and had another nostalgic moment but this time flavoured with pickled onion and roast beef.

And then just to top things off, we found the certificate again making this one of those very rare nights out where we captured a scan in each and every pub. And just to double top it off, the King’s Arm’s certificate was also due to expire that very night too.

So who suggested this would be a let down after “Go to Jail”? Every night on the tour is a top night!

Number of Cask Marque Pubs visited  = 161

Paleo Fail! = Aussie Pete! I saw you! You had a Maccers!

Paleo Fail! = Yeah alright, shut up. I had BK at Paddington – and hey we both had Colonel the next day as well………

Next Stop = Oxford Street