Coventry Street

Come on now everyone, join in…….”Let’s all sing together, Play Up Sky Blues!” No-one? Miserable bastards the lot of you but it is a good way to start this week’s blog story with what has always been my favourite square on the board, named after my home town (or was Coventry named after the square?) Coventry Street. The actual street is rather anonymous, linking the top end of Piccadilly Circus with Leicester Square; you’ve probably walked down it hundreds of times without realising its name.

So it was definitely a square that needed a little more effort than normal both in terms of dress code and attractions. The attractions element was easily sorted as the three nearest Cask Marque pubs to Coventry Street were the Captains Cabin in Norris Street, the Tom Cribb in Panton Street and the Comedy Pub just around the corner in Oxendon Street. And funnily enough the Comedy Pub (geddit, “funnily enough” – “Comedy Pub”) has live comedy on Thursday and Friday nights so it wasn’t much effort to round up the normal suspects and entice them once more aboard the good ship Monopoly with an evening of top notch chortle fun.

Well I say top notch, I’ve got to say that the featured acts for the Friday we went touring I’d never heard of before, but at only a tenner for tickets, who really cares. What was proving to be slightly more problematic was the rounding up of the tourists for the evening. Spiky Haired Ed and Aussie Pete decided to play opposites with Ed claiming he was coming all week until crunch time when he bailed out with a pitiful excuse whilst Pete said with the imminent arrival of baby Pete he couldn’t risk going out until at the last minute his better half, Aussie Nicky, told him he was allowed to go, as long as he drank halves. Charlie and New Guy Micky were as ever reliable but the girls were proving much more difficult.

On the plus side the lovely Mags was free enough to make another appearance on the tour and was even bringing along two of her friends who had nothing better to do. But the girls who had so enthusiastically taken the BGC’s life mantras to heart whilst on Leicester Square were being very difficult to commit to this evening’s square. Alektorophobia Emma, who had even stopped me in the corridor this week to say she’d had a dream about me, “where you were a teacher at my school, taking us all swimming” (I mean, what are the subconscious messages littered amongst that lot!) kept saying how much she wanted to come out but would only umm and ahhh about actually coming. Nicole apparently had done something to her back, although there was more than a whiff of the Jackanory about this story than one might at first believe and Bomber Brenda’s only contribution to this week was to ensure we were all paid! Which I have to say, she did very well and I’m more than glad she did!

But the evening was rescued from the lip of the abyss by Gemmaration Game, who not only was up for another evening of ale-based tomfoolery but had managed to drag two of the other Payroll girls into the affray (more of them later). She was also slightly worryingly enthusiastic about the dress-code I’d set for the evening. Seeing as it was Coventry Street I thought it very appropriate that we all wore something Sky Blue. I’d even gone to the expense of buying a new Coventry City replica shirt (half way through the season, so they were half price) and was more than willing to lend my CCFC hats to anyone who wanted one. As it turned out, Gemma’s sky blue dress needed ironing (now she did mention she had on sky blue pants – she brought this up, not me!) so it was only Charlie who was sporting a sky blue shirt, but he does that every day anyway!

Nice hat Charlie!

 

We emerged from Piccadilly Circus tube station and took the Trocadero exit straight into Coventry Street itself. We then performed that most annoying trick of all tourists by trying to pose a photo next to the street sign and in the process blocked a pavement full of rush hour hurrying people. Just as we were wrapping up the photo shoot I spotted two other chaps obviously waiting for us to depart so that they could get their photo. “Are you just in the shirt cos it’s Coventry Street?” asked one, “well sort of” I explained “but I bet you two are on the Monopoly Tour then?” – “yes” bemoaned the other “we’ve been at it since 7 this morning and I’m knackered!” So I cheered them up by photo-bombing their snapshot – hope they remember their day out!

Ducking down the Haymarket we were soon ensconced in the Captains Cabin, a Taylor Walker pub with nothing remarkable about it whatsoever. I think when the main pub chain Cask Marque pubs of London shared out the pubs, Taylor Walker definitely got the short straw as their places are usually quite ordinary and they’ve taken no advantage whatsoever of their locations or history. The Captains Cabin is a prime example of this as the place, whilst being friendly and well run has all the charm of a B&Q outlet.

Outside the Captains Cabin

 

But talking about charm the ladies tuned their own brand of charm on by not only joining in with drinking beer but upping the half pint measure of last time by ordering pints! In fact the first order was for 6 and ½ pints of Black Sheep bitter and the half was for Aussie Pete. Retiring to a corner table we got to know the two lucky ladies who Gemma had dragged along. Firstly there was Charlene who has a disarming way of talking like someone from Eastenders as if they were in an episode of TOWIE. Charlie seemed delighted that there was a female version of his name joining the tour so seeing as I’ve never given him a nickname I’ll do the same for Charlene. The other tour novice was Sarah-Jane for whom I’d already got a nickname, one that’s been hanging around for some time. She’d once worn a yellow and black stripped dress at work and Aussie Pete had referred to her as “Bumblebee” and even though she’s never worn the dress since and both Pete and I had never spoken to her the intervening time, the name had stuck.

So the first pints were finished, in fact it should be recorded that the girls all finished before us although I suspect this was down to much nose holding and gulping rather than savouring (Charlene slammed her glass down with a grimace commenting “Gawd, my dad would be so proud of me!”) but they were still on board enough to have a second pint (St Austell Tribute) although obviously Charlene’s dad would have been proud enough to let her onto cider now.

Yeah, it's all smiles after the 1st pint - wait until it's your forth!

 

Mag’s friends turned up about the same time as New Guy Micky which meant the tour was well and truly Oestrogen heavy for the first time. I should add that I’d got the scan with the certificate being available just by the bar but I did notice that staff were pouring beer with the swan neck nozzle in the actual beer! They really should go on the Cask Marque Training Course! (see Intermission #4 for more details)

Across from Haymarket is Panton Street and it was there that we found the corner pub of Tom Cribb. A cosy little place, this is a Shepherd Neame pub with the walls littered with boxing related pictures (and the Cask Marque certificate). Apparently Tom Cribb was a famous 19^th century bare knuckle boxer, who when retiring from the ring ran a pub called the Albion Arms on Panton Street. Although the number of the pub was different from today’s Tom Cribb, both pubs are known to have being located in the same place.

Outside the Tom Cribb - Nice hat Charlie!

 

I think Tom would have approved of the pub. Although packed, which meant the tour was spread between three tables, the pints of Late Red were superb. (I think Gemma and Bumblebee were still bravely continuing with the ale – Charlene downing pints of Strongbow like they were going out of fashion)

That doesn't look like cider Charlene!?

 

I managed to catch a few words with Mag’s two friends, Anna-Maria stunningly attractive, Italian with a 80 year old dad who’s a playboy apparently, and Natalie, just stunningly attractive.

Pints of Late Red developed into pints of Bishop’s Finger, a challenging pint for even the most seasoned of drinkers and it was this drink that probably finished me off. We moved next door to the Comedy Pub where I spotted the certificate at the far end of the bar and decided that a photo will have to satisfy Trevor for this one, but the next thing I’m really aware of is drinking Jägermeister shots with Mags at the upstairs bar of the Comedy Pub, which was where their little theatre was.

 

That is the certificate at the end - honestly!

 

It was pints of Grolsch in plastic glasses for the comedy show (if their full and bustling bar downstairs can use glass glasses why in their limited seating theatre do people have to use plastic?) and I can remember absolutely nothing of the comedians. I remember the compare, who looked like a cross between Austin Powers and Rolf Harris and who used this as part of his material, was the funniest of the evening and I can remember going back downstairs after the show and being amazed that Gemma, Charlene and Bumblebee were still there waiting for us. (apparently they couldn’t get into the show – advanced tickets ladies! I did warn you!)

The Comedy Pub’s website promises a late night of disco, karaoke and dancing but it was only Charlie, Micky and I who would descend to the abandoned bar downstairs where no-one was dancing and there was no sign of karaoke. Two or three Gin and Tonics later, one lost key later and one manly bro-hug from Charlie later, I was more than happy to take Micky up on his offer of a sofa for the night. All we had to do was cope with the mad Columbian on the Central Line and cook up our own scrambled eggs…………never defeated, we’ll fight ‘til the game is won!

Number of Cask Marque Pubs visited  = 148

Laugh? = Well not at the comics anyway. Watching Charlene drink a pint of ale, now that was worth seeing.

Is it wise to go on a pub crawl after a brewery visit? = Yes, of course. Did you really expect a different answer?

Next Stop = Water Works

Intermission #4

The 25^th of January was a date that had been red-ringed in my calendar for many months now and not without good reason. Not only because it would mean the arrival of the long awaited January wage packet after scrimping since before Xmas, but because I wasn’t going to be at work that day, I was instead going to be a guest at Fuller’s brewery for a day courtesy of the fine folk from Cask Marque.

Gates of the Griffin Brewery

Fans of the Cask Finder app will know that the “top prize” is the honour of becoming a Cask Marque Ambassador for achieving 100 Cask Marque certificate scans but along with this awe inspiring title comes an invitation to visit a brewery and to spend the day on the Cask Marque Training Day course, just to see exactly what those who want their establishments to achieve the Cask Marque accreditation get up to.

This was the first round of these Ambassadors’ courses and parallel courses were being held at the Black Sheep brewery in Masham and at Marston’s in Wolverhampton as well as the one at Fuller’s in Chiswick. That gave Ambassadors from around the county at least a fighting chance to visit a more local brewery, although as it turned out, several of the chaps on my course in London had travelled from much wider afield than the South and South East.

But for me the day started exactly as usual, catching the same rush hour train into Paddington, the only difference being I wasn’t suited and booted and having once arrived at Paddington I caught a west bound tube instead of an east bound one to the City. It’s a comfortable 15 minutes stroll from Turnham Green station to the brewery which is located adjacent to the busy A4 Great West Road but at least all the snow had disappeared meaning I was nice and early for the 09:30 start.

Taking refuge in the brewery canteen (tea = 25p a cup!) I was just kicking myself for shelling out nigh on a fiver for a roll at Paddington station when I could have had a 6 item brewery from the canteen for £1.80 when some likely looking other chaps started to appear. Introductions were swiftly made (amazing how sociable us ale drinkers are!) including that of the legendary Alistair Macnaught from Cask Marque who even recognised me as the BGC……………always a winner.

Cask Marque's Alistair - He adopted this pose for the whole day!

Alistair was accompanied by Natalie, also from Cask Marque and who tweeters and facebookers will know from the social media side of things. The final piece of the Cask Marque triumvirate was Day Harvey (yes, that’s the right way round!) who was going to be leading our course today. We were taken off to the training room and it was by far the best training I’ve even been in as it was mocked out to resemble the interior of a pub. And if that wasn’t cool enough, Day had also brought a long his own Cask Marque certificate which meant that we could all collect another scan.

More official introductions were carried out as each of us in turn had to state where we were from, how long we’d been drinking cask ale and what our favourite beer was. Much joking around the second question (“too many years!” – “not long enough!” etc) ensued but as I say, it doesn’t take much for a bunch of ale enthusiasts to get to know each other.

Day and Natalie demonstrate the equipment in the training room. Beats a projector any day of the week!

Introductions out of the way, the day began with a tour around the brewery itself. Doning some very fetching hi-vis vests in the Hock Cellar tourist centre we began at the grist mill and finished three-quarters of hour later at the barrelling plant. I am rather skipping over the details of the visit mainly because I’m sure most readers of this will have either been on other brewery visits and let’s face it, the process of grinding, mashing, boiling, fermenting and casking doesn’t really change from plant to plant. What was very interesting about Fuller’s though, was the historical elements as this brewery has had to modernise around the listed and protected original brewery buildings. The other interesting element was the top facts picked up along the way. Did you know for example, that 80% of Fuller’s brewing time is spent on London Pride? Well it is, and that’s a beer fact!

Inside the Hock Cellar

Retiring back to the training room, Day declared that it must be time for a beer but not before we’d been shown the process that a pub must carry out from receiving the new cask from the dray to the point that the beer is sold to the punter. Although it’s not rocket science it does prove that cask ale can live or die by what happens in this very final part of its journey and it’s also a reminder of that cask ale, especially good cask ale does require considerable more work than just connecting up a keg. Well the proof, as they say, is in the pudding or in our case the pints of London Pride that we were now able to pull ourselves from the training room bar.

It's harder than it looks!

Lunch was next with a well deserved (it’s hard work this brewery visiting you know!) fish and chip dinner on the Cask Marque tab before returning to the training room and a lesson in how to detect the things than can go wrong with beer and how to taste for these elements. Day, ably assisted by Natalie had set up 9 examples of “bad beer” using our cask of London Pride and adding some dastardly chemicals to make them “go off” – Our mission (and we all chose to accept it) was to taste these concoctions and try to work out what the off-taste actually was. Some were easy, the sour-vinegar smack of the beer that had gone off due to age and bad sanitation was a gimme, but trying to taste the different between the “skunky” beer (due to light contamination) and the “cardboard” taste of the beer that’s gone off due to oxidation was much more difficult. Luckily there was a slops bucket into which we could get rid of these beers and it didn’t turn out that drinking this was the penalty for coming last in the beer taste quiz!

Natalie prepares the "off beer"

We finally rounded up with a session on what we as Cask Marque Ambassadors can do to promote and support Cask Ale and ended with a back slapping photo in front of the training room bar.

It should go without saying that a day spent at a brewery when I would normally be working is a fine way to spend a Friday, but it is worth praising Cask Marque for the time and effort to lay on such a good day. I’d like to take the opportunity to give a big thank you to Alistair, Natalie and Day (and great to be able to put faces to the names now!) for such an enjoyable day and hope that this report will enthuse those scanners who are edging towards their 100 that the effort to get Ambassador status is well worth it!

Alistair and the BGC - Who was more thrilled to meet who?

Leicester Square

I’m sure when Dr Frankenstein surveyed the remnants of his laboratory the morning after the thunderstorm he said to himself, “Do you know what? That might not have been such a good idea………” And in a similar fashion I am now reflecting on whether my good intentions have released a monster into the world and am I in fact beholdenly guilty for the chaos and damage this monster will no doubt wreak.

Anyway the background to this week’s tour. As all dedicated readers will know, this was the 1^st square after the Xmas and New Year break and as a celebration of the resumption of business as usual and to also attempt to blow away those January cobwebs, I’d planned an ambitious but not unrealistic seven pub trek around Leicester Square. I say “not unrealistic” because there are so many bloody Cask Marque pubs around this area we’d only have to walk a short distance up and down Charring Cross Road, pop into Leicester Square itself to claim all seven venues.

Looks pretty yes? But bloody cold! 

The other factor that I’d hinted towards at the end of the last post was that we might see a few new faces accompanying the tour regulars. Talking about the regulars, we had the pleasure of Aussie Pete squeezing in a potential last tour before the imminent birth of his first baby (apparently it’s bad form to go down the pub when your partner’s in labour), Buddy Rob and New Guy Micky (who had even come into town especially for the tour after working from home). The housewives’ choice and One Direction stunt double Spiky Haired Ed had even sacrificed a, let us say, “more intimate engagement” to be with us. Honoured Ed, honoured!

But there was new blood! The one positive thing about the company’s Xmas do was that a spare seat next to me on our IT department table was filled by a certain delectable creature, namely Emma from the company’s Payroll department. Now it’s worth just mentioning a quick word about Payroll as it’s a curious section where 99.9% of the workforce is female, seriously you walk past their desks and the smell of cats and knitting yarn pours over you like a cloud of noxious gas and you suddenly get the urge to go and buy shoes. That said they do have a reputation of being “up for a party” and can be see donning various forms of fancy dress for certain themed evenings. So trying very hard to keep my eyes off the “off the shoulder” bit of Emma’s stunning dress, I told her all about the Monopoly Tour and said she should whip up some of her more party-focussed colleagues and join us for a square in the New Year.

Well the good girl only just went ahead and did exactly what she promised didn’t she, whipping up no less than three other tailess creatures to join for the 1^st square of 2013. At one point there was going to be 6 “pretty ladies” about which I was excitedly tweeting all week, but a couple of last minute drop-outs (Mags, looking at you!) saw the number slightly drop. But beggars as ugly as the BGC cannot be choosers and I’d settle for 4 fine examples of the fairer sex any day of the week! I’d tried to generate some interest in what we generally do on tour nights (drink, scan, moan about work – usually in that order) by sending the links to the Cask Finder app and a cut out and keep version of the Beer Tasting Wheel. None of this was done with any serious intent but you could have knocked me down with a very smelly kipper when all 4 leapt into the spirit of things, even going so far as to promise to drink some beer on the night (apart from Emma – I’ll say it again my dear, it’s not that you don’t like beer, you simply haven’t tried the right one yet)!

The other strange thing all the ladies asked for, well no, actually they demanded, was a nickname each. I tried to explain how the nicknames were never meant to be a feature of the tour and had just grown organically as a way to identify the tourists but this didn’t wash any with them as the demand for nicknames warped slightly and became a demand for derogatory nicknames. Everything I’ve ever learnt about treating ladies, well like ladies, seemed to be turned on its head as I was forced to think of something nasty for each of them. Could I do this? Perhaps I should start them off with a nice nickname and see if events on the tour would change them. So to that end I should do a quick introduction and say that alongside the lovely Emma we had lovely Brenda, lovely Gemma and lovely Nicole.

(l-r) Lovely Gemma, Brenda and Nicole at the start of the evening. Note non-glazed eyes at this point.

Oh, talking about very smelly kippers (we were a moment ago, read back if you don’t believe me) this was the smell that greeted us as we stepped over the threshold of the first pub, The Garrick Arms in Charring Cross Road. I won’t bore you will the travel route taken other than I was impressed by the ladies’ preparations to wear non-idiotic shoes which allowed us to walk from Embankment rather than have to change tube lines to get there.

 

 

I think I pull this off better. For example I'm not holding a big invisible poodle.

Anyway back to the Garrick…………..smell of fish aside (I knew it was a bad idea to bring the girls) this is a smart Greene King pub doing a very brisk trade on a busy Friday night. It’s quite a largish place so getting a fairly comfortable position to order drinks and stand wasn’t too much of an issue although the harassed barmaid bit another customers head off when he suggested that it was he that should be next to be served.

Garrick Arms - Note BGC's scarf (more of that later)

The girls were true to their beer sampling words as Brenda, Gemma and Nicole all joined me in a beer called Detox from Oxfordshire Ales, which was in fine form and mine literally didn’t touch the sides. Emma was sticking to her “no beer” pledge and went with a bottle of that awful Rekorderlig. Turning our attention to the certificate it was easily spotted framed and hung on the wall, but in their infinite wisdom the pub management had hung it about 11 foot high up the wall. Either they were expecting Peter Crouch in that night or the only way this was going to be scanned was by either forming a human pyramid or climbing on top of the fruit machine. Perhaps if we’d come to this pub 3 or 4 drinks into the evening we might have attempted either option but with only a sniff of the barmaids apron at this point we just finished our drinks and left.

I mean, come on! How do they dust it?

Next stop was just across the road in the Bear and Staff, a smart Nicholson’s pub done out in their usual black and gold livery. They still had Ding Dong from Stroud Brewery, which I’d last tried in the Black Friar and was more than happy to try again. Because everyone (yes, even Buddy Rob had a Ding Dong) apart from me were drinking halves (OK Ed and Micky were on pints of lager but they don’t count) we were working the barmaid hard especially when the Ding Dong ran out and we had to make a last minute substitution and order a half of Atomic Blonde for Nicole – a substitution that was more than welcomed as it turns out as the more “lagery” taste hit all the right notes. There was no sign of the certificate unfortunately so the ladies were still to break their scanning ducks.

Bear and Staff. BGC and Staff.

It was about this time that questions about previous tour squares were banded around and the girls seemed to find it odd that certainly at the start of the tour I’d visited more than one square on my own. This led to the very witty Brenda renaming the BGC to BNM (i.e. Billy No Mates) which went down with much more hilarity than it really deserved and instantly changed “lovely Brenda” to “Bitchy Brenda”. The other subject broached at this point was the history of my scarf, which again regular readers will remember was saved and adopted when found abandoned in a pub on Fleet Street. I never knew girls were such story tellers because by the time Nicole had finished with the very innocent story, the origins of the scarf were now that I’d mugged a homeless man and stole it from him. The story was even embellished to the degree that she actually named the street that I dragged this poor fictitious man down before beating him up all for the sake of an Austin Reed scarf. So that was her “lovely” replaced with “Jackanory” – and if they didn’t have that in New Zealand you can look at their wiki entry!

Girls and Beer - this could catch on! Pinky out Gemma!

So back to the tour, Billy and I stomped across the road again to the Brewmaster, another Greene King pub which had all the welcome and charm of a kitchen showroom. The beer range was rather slim and the barman recommended Old Speckled Hen as the best bitter but I have to give the ladies even more credit as they tucked in with a gusto that the pub and the beer didn’t deserve. Finally though we spotted a certificate that was available and with a chance of scanning and whilst I can’t claim the girls were leaping in the arm clicking their heels it was nice to prove that the app does work.

The final pub in Charring Cross Road was The Porcupine our second Nicholson’s and by far the best of the 4 that we’d so far visited. Cosy and intimate it also had a very fine barmaid who not only knew where the certificate was hiding (for some reason behind a door behind the bar) also knew that we wanted to see it for scanning. BNM decided that perhaps going to the pub with other people required some social interaction so was more than happy to stand a round for the tour newbies and tour oldies alike. London Stone from Ha’pennyBrewery was selected as the standard drink but I also got a half of the Old Engine Oil porter from Harviestoun and a bottle of the classic Duvel for comparison. The barmaid also produced a branded Duvel glass and went even further up in my estimation.

That glass of Duvel

There’s beer evangelists and tasting experts with much more experience and knowledge than me (hey, I’m just a middle aged bloke who likes drinking) but I’m going to give Billy a bit of a pat on the back here because this tiny tasting experiment was well worth doing and it was really encouraging to see all concerned trying the different types of beer and not turning their noses (oh their cute cute noses) up at any of them.

Before we started this evening’s entertainment Aussie Pete had the bonza idea to bring along his 50 scan Cask Marque polo shirt as a potential photo prop. He’s never worn it, claiming they sent the wrong size but it was the perfect thing to produce from the bag as Alektorophobia Emma (one for the QI fans here – it doesn’t mean what you think it might but it was the most appropriate sounding phobia I could find. ) posed for a photo outside of the Porcupine. We’ll never challenge London Fashion Week, that’s for certain, but there’s a certain “street” honesty about our photo don’t you think?

 

We finally made the short walk into Leicester Square, which was perhaps unsurprisingly fairly buzzing with folk even on a chilly January evening. Just next to the famous Odeon cinema are two Cask Marque accredited pubs, the Moon Under Water, which from the name is easily recognisable as a Weatherspoons and surprisingly a Yates’s, a chain not normally known for their real ale.

Fearing that both pubs might be very touristy and very full, it was very pleasant to find the Weatherspoons not at all cramped and staffed by some very pleasant barmen. The certificate was located at the end of the bar and although several of the barmen claimed that it wouldn’t work they were delighted to see the successful scan show up on my Ale Trail

No Nicole, it's not a new type of latte.

I think it was here that the drinks went off in all sorts of variations and varieties. I know I had a pint of Hoegaarden and Ed amazed me by getting a fine pint of Köstritzer. Buddy Rob changed things all up by having a pint of Budweiser rather than a bottle and I was rather fearing the girls had reached their ale limit when various vodka based drinks were ordered but Brenda pulled it all out of the bag by not only drinking a Bombardier but seeking it out from the bar herself. And thus Bitchy Brenda became Bomber Brenda.

Thumbs up that Rob sometimes does drink something other than bottles of Bud.

I’m not sure who was orchestrating the changing of the polo shirt but it was obviously Gemma’s turn and she confirmed that apparently the correct procedure when wearing it is to point to a breast. I will remember this next time I’m wearing mine in Sainsbury’s.

And just to be clear, that's not my hand.

Taking our leave from the Weatherspoons we braved the cold outside as we pondered on the wisdom of seeing whether we should visit the Yates’s. The place looked to be everything I feared about these two pubs; scary women dressed in scary dresses queuing for entrance whilst burly bouncers were stopping all who tried to enter. Giving this up as a bad idea I’m not sure whether our attempt should count enough to claim the pub a scanned but I do think we made the right choice.

Come on Cask Marque - surely near enough to award the scan?

So it was quick scoot up to the north end of the square and a diversion into Leicester Street and the final pub of the night, The Imperial.

Apparently Brenda has to mark her territory when drinking.

This Taylor Walker house was positively abandoned in comparison with the other pubs we’d been in and we almost had the whole of the bar area to ourselves, which was rather lucky as the Polo Shirt fun and games took a curious twist when after Bomber Brenda had proved she can pout and pose with the best of them (but there’s no evidence of breast pointing) somehow both Gemma and Aussie Pete ended up in the shirt at the same time. All sorts of cheap jokes about “pairs of tits” of course leap to mind but I’m fair too polite to use them.

I am very suspicious of the dirty look on Ed's face.

Emma was now well into the scanning and spotted the certificate blu-tacked behind the bar. A helpful chap about who I have no idea whether he worked for the pub or not leaned over and pulled it down and another scan was in the bag. It’s also worth noting that whilst I’ve completely forgotten what beer we were drinking, the more important thing was the vodka based drinks were ditched for some more grain based magic.

It's that bloody shirt again!

I’d very early on in the evening resigned myself to catching the last train but the clock doesn’t stop ticking for anyone and as things started to get hazy I was reminded by Buddy Rob that I’d better leave or turn into a pumpkin. I seem to remember a final swap on the shirt as Nicole completed the set of “girls in shirts” (I’ll have enough for a calendar at this rate) and then it was time to tell everyone I loved them all and stagger back to Embankment.

So was it the best square so far? Do you know what, I think it may well have been. The ladies were delightful company and their willingness to try the beers was exemplary. Did I change the perception of beer for them? Well probably not but I did prove that there’s no need for special “lady’s beers” appealing to what the idiot marketing people think girls should be drinking. All we need to do now is encourage the standard measure to be 2/3rds of a pint, served of course in a delicate stemmed goblet and I think we could be onto something………………………..

End of the night - Note glazed eyes and scared expression. The monsters are released!

Number of Cask Marque Pubs visited = No idea – I need to check…..

Did Billy fall in love? = Yeah, or course he did, at least 4 times (no Ed, one of them wasn't you). Well 5 if you count the barmaid in the Porcupine.

Another Advantage = The girls “love” a photo don’t they? I don’t think we’ve ever had so many on a single post!

Nicknames = So did Gemma remain "lovely Gemma" - No, no way, not after the polo shirt twosome with poor old Pete. Try "The Gemmaration Game"

Next Stop = Coventry Street

Those of a nervous disposition - avert your eyes now..........

 

Intermission #3

I was going to leave it until the next tour to write a post for the blog but then felt perhaps I should do a nice quick intermission update as there are pieces of “tour related” news to bring you up to date on and also seeing as we won’t in all likelihood be touring until the end of next week, three weeks without an update is probably too long for even the most casual of blog visitors. Oh yeah, and a Happy New Year to you all of course………………….

Firstly you’ll remember I ended the last post asking the question as to whether two days later at the firm’s Xmas party we would get anything approaching decent beer made available for us. Extremely sadly but also extremely predictably the answer was a resounding, no, there was nothing approaching decent to drink in the beer stakes. This year we were at least allowed to drink beer at the “champagne reception” stage of the evening but even the charming smile of the uniformed waiter who answered my question as to whether there was anything else than the bottles of Becks with a “no, sorry” failed to lift my spirits.

Happy BGC with Becks. The breeches behind me used to belong to Kenneth Williams. It's true!

Now some of you will have cottoned onto the phrase in that paragraph of “champagne reception” and will already be ticking the box next to ungrateful tosser in your mental list of BGC attributes, and do you know what? You’re right, 100% hit the nail on the head right. I am an ungrateful tosser. Here we were with an all paid for party, hosted in the London Film Museum in County Hall on the banks of the River Thames, with a three course meal to look forward to and all colleagues looking their smartest best in black tie, or their beautiful-est (yeah, scrubs up all right in fact) in party dress and I was moaning about the beer.

But although I’d admit to being a moaning tosser (or was it ungrateful) I’ll still contend that my moan was legitimate. Caterers have to face facts here; it really isn’t hard to put on a half decent beer now. You don’t need a qualified cellar man or trained bar staff to achieve this, just instead of sticking a pin in the list of crated lager your supplier is offering choose something else you can chill in a bottle………oh and whilst we’re at it, supply some beer glasses next time, not all of us appreciate swigging from a bottle. If I have to respect you enough to wear a black tie to go to a party, you can bloody well respect me enough not to have to act as if I’m sitting on a park bench.

Anyway, we leave the rants and raves of nasty bottled lagers and return very quickly to the Cask Marque tour in a little fashion as when selecting a pub for a pre-party drink the usual gang (Charlie, Ed, Pete, Jayson, Rob) chose a couple of very nice beers in The Red Lion near Parliament Square which we toured in during the Whitehall Square visit. We then scampered over Westminster Bridge to just behind County Hall for a quick one in The Slugand Lettuce on Chicheley Street. Amazed as we all were that this chain of pubs actually has some Cask Marque accredited places, we probably shouldn’t have expected to find the Cask Marque certificate whilst there (we certainly struggled find any beer) but it did give us the opportunity to take a photo for prosperity and send it to Cask Marque’s Magical Trevor to add the scan to our scores. Trevor it seems has been given Xmas holidays (shock!) but Ali did reply saying there was special Xmas prize for anyone scanning in a Slug and Lettuce…………..I detect some sarcasm!

The oldest and most inappropriate boy band turn up at The Slug & Lettuce

And in anther fantastic link, we jump from photos for Cask Marque to, well, photos for Cask Marque as the boys in Cask Marque Towers have been badgering Pete and I to get a photo taken in our 50 scan polo shirts. Eventually I got around to doing it, on Xmas Eve of all days, just after picking up my holiday beer from the West Berkshire Brewery (who I have to add kept my taste buds tingling (in a good way) right into the new year) and stopped in a lovely Arkells pub, Ye Olde Red Lion in the nearby village of Chieveley. Spotting the certificate propped by the entrance door window, I paused my first sip of Arkells Xmas offering, Noel Ale, and got my co-pilot, SlowPoke Sam to snap my ugly mug with pint, polo short and certificate all aligned like a celestial eclipse. The moment was only spoilt when settling ourselves for a second shot (I think the first shot captured my bad side) when the landlord rather tetchily warned us that the sign right behind me was in fact Wet Paint. Well, I know nothing about running a pub, but perhaps putting freshly painted wet things by the main entrance to your premises is not a good idea…………but what the heck do I know? Anyway, I emailed the picture off to the boys and have then discovered that the Cask Marque website has been refreshed and no longer contains a “rogues gallery” of Cask Marque Ambassadors! I will have words with the management about this…………………….

Happy Xmas!

And this leads me on to my final subject in that the day after Xmas Eve is of course Xmas Day and I was luckily enough to receive two pub guides as presents. And just any old pubs guides, but more specifically pub guides to London no less. Firstly there was Peter Haydon & Tim Hampson’s “London’s Best Pubs” a very nice, photograph laden book and then there was Bob Steel’s “LondonPub Walks” a slimmer more wordy guide, but both welcome additions to my bulging beer book collection. “London’s Best Pubs” covers a total of 117 pubs and I was rather shocked to discover that I’ve only actually visited 16 of them and a similar analysis of “London Pub Walks” shows I’ve done percentagely the same amount (nearly), covering only 23 of the 186 pubs mentions (albeit some of them twice)  - So no prizes for guessing what New Year’s Resolution #1 is  - I will report back again next year!

And finally finally finally, I wish all blog readers, re-tweeters, followers and likers (that’s likers, no lickers Ed) a hale and hearty Happy New Year and look forward to having you all join me again for the next episode of the tour. It promises to be a good one! Leicester Square no less, I have 7 pubs lined up and a lead on some new tour personnel…………all will be revealed!

Cheers!